I'm jealous of the Me that came before Me,

She had the energy I can no longer find.

Once in a blue moon now,

Once in a blue moon I find her,

All bottled up inside.

Bottled up and suppressed under unsaid boundaries and said complaints that become misconstrued and misused. What I say with my words is not the whole of my being!

The Me That Came Before Me,

The creative girl from before.

Ample time and ample energy,

No constraints and all the time in the world,

Oh how I miss her now.

Miss her?

Jealous of her?

Miss her?

Jealous of her?

Well simply wanting to be her again,

Without feeling good enough in my current skin.

Or is it that I feel so good that my external circumstances are not good enough for me? But sometimes I don't feel good...

Up

and

down,

Up and,

down.

Tired legs and strained back,

Going on 24 years old and slouched over like 84

because of life's test.

Life's test.

Do I want to start that business for real?

Do I want to write that song for real?

Do I want to continue typing this for real?

Scattered text just like my scattered brain on a Wednesday.

Wednesday.

Mercury Day.

I try to catch it before it goes south,

But before you know it,

Anxiety is coming out of my mouth.

Into my ears,

The painful replay of songs,

Over and over again.

Consume only your fair share.

When I'm linked to technology,

I feel my worst.

When I talk about astrology,

I find comfort.

Nothing makes sense to me on this day:

General confusion

Not thinking straight

Scared to work

And scared to not

Scared to go home

Scared to not

Uncertainty is key!

Let go, let go!

They tell me.

I don't always listen,

to what they tell me.

But I say sorry,

Or I don't.

It makes me feel better,

To throw in the towel.

The light wins this one,

It was all just a fluke.

Am I making sense?

Am I slowly going insane?

Do I need someone to come check up on my brain?

Intrusive thoughts,

Call em out.

Slow down your mind,

Lose the extra pounds.

Get you a nice little snack,

Sometimes we have to.

Nicer to the clerk at the market,

Than your closest companion.

The kindness is showing,

The kindness is going.

to be kind?

or to not.

How do you know the balance?

Steady your questions you say?

Well right now it feels like I'm in fifth grade.

Asking

Why am I so skinny mom?

Why do the other girls laugh at me mom?

Put a pencil in between your nipples,

Show us what you've got.

A friend who pokes fun,

Deteriorating your thoughts,

one

BY

one.

And a single line,

"You look tired"